It Is Just A Story; It Is Not Reality

It’s not the truth, but a narrated fable.
So often, we tell ourselves stories that we falsely believe to be our reality.

On a Thursday morning, I was consciously aware of the need to conduct my weekly workshop about self-regulation of behavior at the Boston prison. Unfortunately, I was running late, which made me realize how rapidly time was ticking by. I hurried through the drive-through at McDonald’s, grabbed a breakfast meal, and hit the freeway. As I occasionally glanced down at the food next to me, my stomach churning, I noticed that the man had given me change for a $10 bill rather than the $20 bill that I was almost certain had been given to him.

As I was driving, I began to feel antsy and frustrated, thinking aloud, “Wait, he just cheated me out of $10.” I was thinking that he was probably aware that people at this time of the hour usually rush through their orders, and he could easily avoid any confrontations about his deed. I also thought that I may not have been the only victim in such a situation, where he may be making a living out of such a subdued act of theft. “Oh, I bet he’s rubbing his hands together in glee with a smeared grin sprawled all over his face!” If someone challenged him about his grave error, he would just put on an act of false gullibility, saying, “Oh, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that,” and would save himself from any repercussions for his actions.

After contemplating the recent incident, I felt my face become hot and flushed, my blood pressure rise, and my shoulders tense. I figured I had better calm down and recompose myself before arriving at the prison, or I would be left flustered at my upcoming event. I tried practicing some well-versed anger management techniques in the car to steer my thoughts in a more positive direction. I tried to calm myself with a slow, self-paced count from one to ten, but by the time I got to ten, I felt more enraged than ever. This got me even more anxious. So, I desperately tried again.

I inhaled slowly, held my breath, and then steadily exhaled through my mouth. However, with every breath, I felt my shoulders become tense. The thoughts kept reimbursing my mind. “If he’s doing that to me, he’s probably doing that to others too.” “Someone’s got to stop this.” “This cannot happen again.” “I’m going to go back and tell his manager.”

“He stole $10 from me! At least, I think he did.” “Wait a minute… I think I may have given him only $10 instead of $20.” “Now, I’m feeling a bit unsure myself.”

Suddenly, I realized that this entire incident was truly a fabricated story that I had been narrating to myself all along! And if I can make up this one story, I can recreate many other verses along the same lines. In fact, my negative thoughts have led me to experience certain negative emotions, and it’s all based on a story I tell myself.

You may never know that young man was probably going to City College while working at McDonald’s to get through school. Or it may be that his mother got sick and he had to drop out of school to take care of her, so now he is working at McDonald’s to aid her during her sickness .Or perhaps that morning the doctor told him that he had to purchase medicine worth $50 for his mother and that he didn’t have the money to buy it. He could have taken the money from the till, but he thought he would get easily caught while at it. So, he probably came up with an alternate plan to collect enough money to buy his mother’s medicine.

At that moment, my phone rang, and it was the officer at the prison. He sounded apologetic and requested I delay the workshop by thirty minutes as there was an emergency at the station. After returning our exchanges over the phone, I thought of driving myself back to the same driveway, where I found him stationed at the same spot as I left him earlier this morning. His shoulders sagged as he confronted me while mumbling to himself, “I really can’t do this.” As he stood there, grimacing with pain and anguish, I felt guilty about all the fallible lies I had been thinking aloud that most likely may not have been true. So, I slipped him an additional $10 as a token for his forthcoming honesty and for my erroneously held assumptions.

As I drove back to the prison, my body relaxed, and a warm glow of peace spread through my belly. I thought to myself, “I better go by McDonald’s this evening and make sure he had the remaining $40 to be able to buy his mother’s medicine.”

Which story is true? Maybe neither is true. Does it matter? Yes, it matters if I wish to feel relaxed and prepare myself for such unprecedented future events in my life.

The story I believe in is truly a choice of free will, keeping in mind that such incidents are simply written scripts of our lives that may or may not represent a true form of reality. It is important to remember that reality is exactly what you perceive it to be.

The problem is that we get used to spinning tales and forget they are just stories. Reality is defined by things that we get used to. If the story is that the world is not a safe place and we are a helpless victim entrapped within it, then we are likely to experience panic attacks and symptoms of PTSD.

Suppose you believe your loved ones will abandon you sooner rather than later. Your emotional pain will cause you a great deal of distress, and therefore, such incidents should be avoided at all costs. In that case, you may feel wary and insecure about being in a close relationship, or you’ll think about rejecting the person before they can reject you. Yet, in fact, emotional pain demonstrates your level of resilience. “If I can suffer so much emotionally and still be OK, I must be a strong person.”

Exercise: Recall a time when you felt put down, rejected, or angry at someone. Try to create a narrative that accurately captures the incident. Is it possible that you misinterpreted their actions or words? What must the other person be feeling at that precise moment? Could that person be experiencing feelings of abandonment before he rejects you?

What would you feel if you had told that person what you were experiencing?
“I felt put down, rejected, and angry after what you just said. Did you intend to make me feel that way?”

It is important to remember that the role of a scriptwriter builds the foundation of every film or play, as their narratives help evolve the characters on the screen. However, neglecting such a role can severely lower the success rate of a screenplay. Thus, the ability to take charge of your narratives is essential for writing effective scripts based on your life story. Each narrative may contain lines of distortions or errors that may stir unpleasant emotions or moments of distress. But the ability to transform such scripts into what brings you pleasant emotions and peace resides within you. And that is what it takes to build a solid foundation for a life story.

This is your chance to #SpinIt2WinIt.

Spread the love

It Is Just A Story; It Is Not Reality

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply