Table of Contents Preface Intro About the Author How to best use this book Appendix Recommending Links Now What?!? C's Fear Anger Guilt and Shame Sadness Depression Happiness Peace Personal Power Personal Responsibility Love Sections Knowing that you feel, what you feel and how to separate them Accepting your own and others' F&Es Express Release, Replace & Rejoice! --- from "TCOYF_eBook.doc". this is the Table of Contents, but there's more content in that doc. Introduction --- EQ-101 is about how to get from bad to good. from pain to pleasure. from powerless to powerful. from victim to choice. from down to up. from sad to happy. from depressed to Awesome! --- 3 easy steps to "Dealing with" or "Getting in touch with" our Feelings and Emotions: 1. Know them - become aware of what you feel when you feel it, learn to identify feelings properly and completely ("oh, I'm actually Afraid, underneath all that Anger.") 2. Accept them - allowing, understanding, self-compassion, self-acceptance (Our Feelings are who we truly are, so accepting our Feelings = accepting ourselves!). This only takes a sec, but it's a crucial step. ("ok, so I'm afraid and angry... that's ok with me.") 3. Express them - ok, here's the tricky part... but also, this is about truly Living, a unique and powerful You, that makes their world look and feel the way you want it to. ("I'll face with my fear, and deal with my anger, and release it, so I can move on.") MOST emotional problems, imho, are about the ignorance/inability to Fully Express our feelings, from the past, and in the present, so that we can make an Amazing Future for ourselves and our loved ones. So we need to find, and create, creative, healthy, effective ways to express ourselves and our feelings for the rest of our days. --- Whether it’s riding a bike, writing a book or cooking a meal - you get to decide if it’s a chore or chance, something to overcome or something to embrace. - Andrea J. Lee's blog --- EXPECTATIONS are the key to having Good Experiences. Setup well your customer's Expectations before their Experience, and they will less likely be disappointed. Much of my disappointment comes from Expecting it to be a certain way, and it being a different way... not necessarily worse... maybe even better... but since it didn't Meet My Expections, it lead to Disappointment. Disappointment = NOT Meeting my Expectations --- Use your IQ to help your EQ Feelings and Emotions 101: Taming the Emotional Beast Within --- ebook contents example: http://www.laughangeles.com/store-book2.php $15 * Understanding The Laughter Yoga Phenomenon * What Is Laughter Yoga? * Benefits Of Laughter Yoga * History Of Laughter Yoga * How Does Laughter Yoga Work? 1. Clapping 2. Breathing 3. Laughing * Laughter Meditation * Closing Techniques * Catalog of 101 Laughter Exercises * Template Laughter Session --- Get a Grip - on your feelings & emotions. Get a Clue - about what's going on inside of you. Get a Life!! Use your IQ (mental smarts) to help your EQ (Emotional Intelligence). By increasing your EQ and getting "in touch" with your Feelings and Emotions, you'll have more joy, love and happiness in your life than you ever thought possible. Heal your past, take control of your present, create your future. we'll show you how. (hint: it's really simple and totally, completely FREE!) --- Man Transformation focuses on three core areas of relationship development for men: Inner game - developing your character, identity, and life purpose from the inside out Interaction skills - approaching women, starting conversations, being confident and authentic Creating lasting intimacy - moving beyond attraction and creating a deep connection with your partner --- what do you want them to leave class with? if they "graduate" from EQ101, what will the "have"? --- 101: Me Beginning, basic concepts and skills Willingness: Fs & Es are key, KAE, EMFB, PP, Pers. Resp, "I" Messages, SUAL, Attitude is Everything work with what we Can control or effect, and let go of the rest. What's my problem and what's NOT my problem? guilt & shame are optional anger is secondary fear has object feelings have a purpose, a message you have more choices than you think you do. you have more control than you think you do. clean slate theory dreikurs and adler level of mental health is directly related to our sense of Belonging. 201: We Intermediate EQ Relationships: communication, intention, conscious roles, teamwork, 301: US Advanced EQ leadership, mentoring, Giving, self-actualization! changing the world, making a real difference. --- outline for book, for ND, for DVD, EQ-101 1. WAKE UP, America! Willingness Intro Sense of Urgency Sense of Bravery - not always fun, but it's gotta get done. Go there. 2. Isn't that interesting? Awareness Root (EMFB) Zen ?Process Be there. 3. How Perfect! (- coach t) Acceptance LOVE Purpose Fear Grow from there. 4. Live Large Expression Choices & Actions Art Language ?Healing Live there! --- EQ-101, the Art of Feeling 1. WAKE-UP and FEEL! Willingness 2. Isn't that Interesting? Awareness 3. It's all Perfect! Acceptance 4. Who are you? Expression 5. Life! --- EQ-101 is 100 handouts. read at once or get one a day. if you're serious about this stuff, get all 3. EQ Lessons (101) my EQ Quotes (101x) Cheryl's Life Quotes (365x) --- EQ for Americans EQ for Humans EQ for Couples EQ for Teens EQ for Parents EQ at Work EQ for Men EQ for Women --- EQ-101 Main Points - there's a difference between IQ, where they measure how smart we are, and our ability to learn facts and figures (left brain, logic)and EQ, which is about life, and love, and wonder and joy (right brain, feelings). - IQ is mostly static and set at birth, while EQ is highly learnable and radically changeable. - EQ is how we take control of our lives - emotionally, physically, spiritually, even financially. In fact, our EQ is one of the few things in life that we have TOTAL control over !! - EQ means learning about, and taking control of, our Feelings & Emotions - To make this all work, we must take 100% total resposibility for our Feelings, and our Behaviours, 100% of the time. No one can Make us feel anything. - Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing. - In fact, Feelings are THE thing! If we can understand them, accept them and learn to express them properly, completely, and positively, we will know ourselves, and like ourselves, better than most. - The language of Feelings is actually like learning a foreign Language. - In getting to know our Feelings, there are 3 Areas to Focus on: Past, Present and Future - Past: Feelings and Emotions from our Past can still affect us in the Present, big time. These must be identified, acknowledged, felt and released. (this is where EMFB comes in, which I'll explain later) - Present: Dealing with our current thots, feelings, attitudes and actions, here and now - inside our own hearts and minds -- in conversation, in relationships, in work, in love, in life. - Future: In order to create an awesome future, we need to know ourselves, what matters most to us, and gain the wisdom, awareness and personal power to design it right and to make it all happen, for ourselves and our loved ones. To make our lives look, and more importantly Feel, as great as we want! --- Daniel Goleman's five components of emotional intelligence http://www.sonoma.edu/users/s/swijtink/teaching/philosophy_101/paper1/goleman.htm The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence Self-awareness. The ability to recognize and understand personal moods and emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others. Hallmarks* of self-awareness include self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, and a self-deprecating sense of humor. Self-awareness depend on one's ability to monitor one's own emotion state and to correctly identify and name one's emotions. [*A hallmark is a sure sign: since self-awareness is necessary for, say, realistic self-assessment, that is, without self-awareness no realistic self-assessment, the presence of of realistic self-assessment is a sure sign (sufficient to conclude that there is) self-awareness.] Self-regulation.The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods, and the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting. Hallmarks include trustworthiness and integrity; comfort with ambiguity; and openness to change. Internal motivation. A passion to work for internal reasons that go beyond money and status -which are external rewards, - such as an inner vision of what is important in life, a joy in doing something, curiosity in learning, a flow that comes with being immersed in an activity. A propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Hallmarks include a strong drive to achieve, optimism even in the face of failure, and organizational commitment. Empathy. The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. A skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions. Hallmarks include expertise in building and retaining talent, cross-cultural sensitivity, and service to clients and customers. (In an educational context, empathy is often thought to include, or lead to, sympathy, which implies concern, or care or a wish to soften negative emotions or experiences in others.) See also Mirror Neurons. It is important to note that empathy does not necessarily imply compassion. Empathy can be 'used' for compassionate or cruel behavior. Serial killers who marry and kill many partners in a row tend to have great emphatic skills! Social skills. Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks, and an ability to find common ground and build rapport. Hallmarks of social skills include effectiveness in leading change, persuasiveness, and expertise building and leading teams. --- What Is Emotional Intelligence? Definitions, History, and Measures of Emotional Intelligence "All learning has an emotional base." - Plato Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while other claim it is an inborn characteristic. http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydevelopment/a/emotionalintell.htm Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence. In their influential article “Emotional Intelligence,” they defined emotional intelligence as, “the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions” (1990). A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence 1930s – Edward Thorndike describes the concept of “social intelligence” as the ability to get along with other people. 1940s – David Wechsler suggests that affective components of intelligence may be essential to success in life. 1950s – Humanistic psychologists such as Abraham Maslow describe how people can build emotional strength. 1975 - Howard Gardner publishes The Shattered Mind, which introduces the concept of multiple intelligences. 1985 - Wayne Payne introduces the term emotional intelligence in his doctoral dissertation entitled “A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire (theory, structure of reality, problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning in/coming out/letting go).” 1987 – In an article published in Mensa Magazine, Keith Beasley uses the term “emotional quotient.” It has been suggested that this is the first published use of the term, although Reuven Bar-On claims to have used the term in an unpublished version of his graduate thesis. 1990 – Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer publish their landmark article, “Emotional Intelligence,” in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. 1995 - The concept of emotional intelligence is popularized after publication of psychologist and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Measuring Emotional Intelligence “In regard to measuring emotional intelligence – I am a great believer that criterion-report (that is, ability testing) is the only adequate method to employ. Intelligence is an ability, and is directly measured only by having people answer questions and evaluating the correctness of those answers.” --John D. Mayer Reuven Bar-On’s EQ-i A self-report test designed to measure competencies including awareness, stress tolerance, problem solving, and happiness. According to Bar-On, “Emotional intelligence is an array of noncognitive capabilities, competencies, and skills that influence one’s ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures.” Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale (MEIS) An ability-based test in which test-takers perform tasks designed to assess their ability to perceive, identify, understand, and utilize emotions. Seligman Attributional Style Questionnaire (SASQ) Originally designed as a screening test for the life insurance company Metropolitan Life, the SASQ measures optimism and pessimism. Emotional Competence Inventory (ECI) Based on an older instrument known as the Self-Assessment Questionnaire, the ECI involves having people who know the individual offer ratings of that person’s abilities on a number of different emotional competencies. Types of Intelligences http://magneticleaders101.com/?p=119 Tagged with 'emotional-intelligence' 1. Mental Intelligence- the IQ measured in school. 2. Emotional Intelligence- 25 times more powerful than mental intelligence. Examples: Keeping your cool even when you’re very angry. Delayed gratification, the opposite of instant gratification --- New Directions Workshop: Taking Control of Your Feelings and Emotions Friday Evening Intro and Welcome The 3 purposes of this weekend. Main objective: make it Safe for people to be as Real as possible. Lecture Explain the Cognitive -> Affective -> Behavioral change model Introduce the power of Feelings - the affective component how the Affective picture effect our Behaviours today Personal Responsibility, Blaming and Victim Outline: 5 steps to Healthy Feelings: 1. Know what we feel 2. Accept that our body feels what it feels 3. Express feelings in positive ways 4. Release old negative feelings and the beliefs behind them. 5. Replace with positive feelings, thoughts and experiences. Step 1: Knowing What We Feel Instructors & Graduates Share Students Share – get into “learning mode” Lecture Identification of Feelings The Anger -> Depression connection You are a product of your past. Unexpressed feelings from childhood are still affecting you now. Visualization “What was it like for you, as a child?” Sharing Homework assignment 1. Who or what are you Angry at? 2. Who or what Hurt you the most? Give instructions and guidance for Saturday’s session close Saturday Step 2: Accepting Our Feelings Sharing: About Feelings Lecture 4 Steps to Learning Event -> Meaning -> Feeling -> Behaviour Exercise The Tunnel of Love: making connections Small Group Team-Building Pick teams Create a team name and cheer Sharing In small groups, share answers to homework Lunch break (1-1½ hours) Assignment at lunch: complete 4 questions on homework sheet Step 3: Expressing our Feelings in Positive Ways Exercise Processing old yucky feelings Visualization “You are ALL You Need to Be!” – Spinoza, the bear Dinner Break All go to dinner together, usually to Home Town Buffet close Sunday Step 4: Release old negative feelings and the beliefs behind them. Step 5: Fill-up with positive feelings, thoughts and experiences. Sharing “What did you learn yesterday?” ”What will you learn/deal with/express today?” Lecture The Statement of Direction Exercise Each person’s personal Statement of Direction The Tunnel of Love – building stronger connections Closing Circle: Song “Love Can Build a Bridge” Break for Graduation Graduation Introductions Diplomas Sharing Closing Circle Cake and Coffee close Follow-Up Class reunion a few weeks after class, on a Friday night. One-on-one coaching call: “Now What?” Membership in our online support group Ability to “Assist” at future New Directions workshops, forever --- Boost Your EQ: Emotional Intelligence 101 http://www.agts.com/Seminars/BoostYourEQ.htm Who should attend: Anyone interested in maximizing his/her potential. Benefits: Improved relationships. Higher productivity. Reduced stress. Increased job satisfaction. Program Outline: I. EQ vs. IQ A. Definition B. Importance II. Assessing your EQ III. Core components of emotional intelligence A. Self awareness B. Self regulation C. Motivation D. Empathy E. Social Skills IV. Emotional development A. The meaning behind emotions B. Dealing with adversity C. Motivating self and others D. Taking others into account E. Satisfying your needs and the needs of others V. Skill Training A. Handling situations effectively B. Situational planning VI. Action Planning --- Table of Contents Preface Intro About the Author How to best use this book Appendix Recommending Links Now What?!? C's Fear Anger Guilt and Shame Sadness Depression Happiness Peace Personal Power Personal Responsibility Love Sections Knowing that you feel, what you feel and how to separate them Accepting your own and others' F&Es Express Release, Replace & Rejoice! here's how it works 3 I KAER I am willing know accept express release, replace, rejoice start with where they're at. grab 'em, create report, How to use this book! pickup people at dif. levels. how to best use this book. skim over 1 and 2, and go to 3. New to EQ, K --- Results / Outcome By the end of this program, you will be able to: I. Wake up! 1. Be open, and willing II. Get a Clue 2. Understand and explain the important difference between IQ and EQ. 3. Appreciate how crucial our feelings and emotions are. 4. List the benefits and drawbacks of being a Feeling person. III. Get a Grip 5. List the core EQ knowledge areas. 6. Ability to identify and separate feelings. 7. Assess your current EQ levels. inventory IV. Get a Life 8. Identify and practice techniques that raise EQ. 9. Manage your emotions to work for you, not against you. --- TofC Preface: why are we going thru this pain? Interview with “Doc” Downing (therapist, teacher and author) What's so important about Feelings? What's the difference between IQ and EQ? Why are our feelings so darned Important? The Many Benefits of being a Feeling Person The Down-side of being a Feeling Person ...Feelings are Crucial to our Emotional Well-being / mental health How Do Feelings and Emotions work in our body? Our Body and our Feelings We are born with all our Feelings in tact, naturally Feelings are Life! How Feelings are Created, and how they Remain / Stay The Event -> Meaning -> Feeling -> Behaviour Cycle Maslow's Heirarchy of Human Needs We learn, we love, we care and we grow from our Feelings Taking Responsibility and Learning to Grow Personal Responsibility - "If it's to be, it's up to me" The 2 Biggest Feelings - Fear and Love The 4 Steps to Learning - becoming Consciously Competent The 7 Steps to Good Mental Health I KAERRR: Know what we feel, Accept it, Express ‘em Productively, RRR Let 'em Flow, Let 'em Go - "We can't Heal what we can't Feel" Fear Guilt and Shame Anger & Rage Sadness Depression The Road to Happiness Being there for yourself, then others Being Nice vs. Being Real Maintaining Balance – Full tanks vs. Empty tanks Belonging to something Bigger than us. Fitting in / finding a posse. Now that I'm willing and aware, NOW WHAT?!? Tips, Secrets and Quotes Life with high EQ How do I keep the Good feelings going? Everybody Pitches In Appendix The Statement of Direction Feelings Charts Resources Where do I go 2GetHelp - to learn, practice and get/give support Closing 1. Understanding EQ I'm not hitting them with it... I'm just saying it passionately, and LOUDly Step 1 --- 1. Knowing 2. Feel and Release 3. Attitude 1. UI is the first step in learning, but Awareness is the first step in growing 2. Past Present Future 1. Duh! Cluelessless. 2. Wow! Eye-opening. 3. Huh? I see. Show me more. 4. Yes! I'm doing it! "Fear never kept you from doing anything you really wanted to do." - Doc layouts quote - lesson - quote quote - lesson - affirmation ("today, I will...") quote - quote - quote a few paragraphs with lots of juicy terms each with a link each with it's own post see which are split up the list lessons affirmation examples personal accounts testimonials reflections ERs Past-Present-Future EMFB KAE 7 Steps to Healing Feelings The 10 Basic Feelings only 2 Core Feelings. Fear and Love etc. see e to Sue for more. 2GetHelp Concept Outline W2003.doc --- EQ-101 Outline 4 Steps to Learning EMFB Assessment or two KAE 7 Steps to Healing Feelings The 10 Basic Feelings only 2 Core Feelings. Fear and Love How Feelings are Formed Universal v. Individual Processes Incorporating Feelings into your Daily Life Allowing them In Relationships Allowing others to feel Expression & venting v. Drama, complaining Anger, Fear and Grief Confrontation Want v. Need Women v. Men Children & Parenting Creating and Maintaining Boundaries Understanding and Appreciating Feelings How Feelings are Created: EMFB Stages of Growth: 4 Steps to Learning How to stop being a victim Anger Fear Sadness Guilt/Shame Depression Love Joy Intimacy Belonging Personal Power Healing your past/inner child Being real in the present Creating the future you want, for you and your family --- Outline concept vs. brainstorming feelings are good, personal resp feelings are you core beliefs run the show you can change ANYthing you feel, by releasing feelings (old or current) personal power love is the key awareness Take Control! faith trust self-esteem / self-worth confidence belief in yourself! believe the good or do something about the bad 101 3 basic skills to Self-processing 102 7 steps to Personal Power Healing Feelings (teaser) --- do the split-subject technique in a document somewhere Matt Perelstein's Websites: http://www.Emotional-Intelligence101.com - Blog with over 600 Tips, Tricks, Quotes, Lessons and more http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com - in-person, intensive, weekend-long, emotional-breakthrough, life-changing workshops in CA http://groups.msn.com/2GetHelp - online group of super-loving, supportive folks http://www.MattPerelstein.com - my personal page coming soon: http://www.EI101.com - online content for Moodle-type classes, with Sue Wiseman (also a TS member) http://www.2GetHelp.com - networking those who want 2GetHelp with those who want 2GiveHelp, marketed by 2SellHelp. Skills: Teach, guide, support and motivate people to Take Control of their Feelings & Emotions EI is the key to happiness and success in life. Emotional Intelligence Teaching - 20 years Database Programmer/Business Analyst - 18 years --- “The 7 Steps to Healing our Feelings” How to Take Control of your Feelings and Emotions, One Step at a time. By Matt Perelstein http://www.MattPerelstein.com July, 2008 Follow these 7 Simple (tho' not Easy) steps to learn to "Deal with" your feelings & emotions. 1 Awareness that we do Feel, a Lot: Get a Clue about the importance/depth of our feelings and emotions, and fully "get" how huge an impact they have on our daily lives. 2 Knowing our Body: Get in touch with what/how we, as a unique person, Feels, and where/how/even why we carry our feelings, inside of us. 3 Accepting our Feelings: They are good, and clean, and pure, and natural... and the core of Us. Let 'em be. Let 'em live. Let 'em free. Accepting our feelings = Accepting Ourselves! 4 Expression of Feelings: Learning effective and sane ways to express ourselves and our genuine feelings, as deeply as they are felt, in a safe/loving environment, in a way that brings people closer to us, rather than pushing them away. 5 Release of the past: We are learning how to process (feel) the very core of our beings, and letting go (changing beliefs about) our unexpressed, negative, painful fears, angers, hurts, and disappointments. If the pain remains, even unconsciously, they will color your existance and leave little room for the positives of life. 6 Replacement of dark with light -- gloom with bright -- hate with love -- with power from above. Even, at first, if you have to 'manufacture' positive thots and feelings (i.e.-fake it 'til you make it) , they are way more fun than the negative ones. 7 Rejoice and celebrate life! Love, pain, joy, anger, sadness -- the whole enchilada. Yes, no pain no gain is true, for awhile, but as you grow, the pains lessen and the gain is Wonderful!! That's it. Master these, and you'll have Total control of how much you Enjoy and Live your life, from then on! --- The 7 Steps to Healing our Feelings I'll discuss each one in greater depth. Remember, the first thing in all learning is AWARENESS.
“Awareness is the first key to Change.”
If we don't know, we can't make choices. If we don't know, we are a victim of ourselves, and to those who do. If we don't know, we can't change. If we don't know, we can't grow. If our relationships aren't working, let’s find out why. If we repeat the same patterns over and over, learn what's behind all that. If we're unhappy, let’s learn how to find & release the Joy in our hearts. If we don't have enough love in our life, know that still, there's Hope. “We came to realize that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.“ - Bill W. step 2 of 12. Remember, we are Personally Responsible for our Lives. If we don't know, we find out. If it ain't working, we can fix it. If we feel that our lives are out of control emotionally, we can change it. We finally realize that we can't do it alone. We connect with others, give what we can and ask for help. "Only as high as I reach can I grow, Only as far as I seek can I go, Only as deep as I look can I see, Only as much as I dream can I be." - Karen Ravn Step 1: Awareness that we do Feel, a Lot What are you feeling right now? (stop reading for a sec, close your eyes and just Notice what your body is feeling right now.... go) Were you able to notice some things about how you feel? We never STOP feeling, ever. Even while sound asleep, our body constantly feels. However, we are only AWARE of our feelings when we choose to be (notice them), or when they get big and kinda take over the show (called "issues"). http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com The problem is that until we are AWARE of them, we can't really DO anything with them. We are powerless. Doc says: "We can only make Decisions about that which we are consciously Aware of." So, as you go thru your day today NOTICE how you feel. You don't even have to stop what you are doing... just be aware of your pain, or happiness, heaviness, or lightness, laughter, or wanting to cry. Just Notice your body today... and we'll talk about Step 2 next... Knowing what we feel. Step 2. Knowing our Body Identification of Feelings. Now it's time to put a Name to the Feelings we feel. Is it Sadness or Joy, Guilt or Anger, Fear or Love? Below is a chart of different Feelings to help you identify them. It's very important that we learn to Identify what it is that we are feeling, so we can Do something with each feeling. Can we feel more than one feeling at a time? Definitely. Is it important to be able to Separate the feelings and deal with them one at a time? Yes! http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com Feelings Chart Levels of Intensity Categories of Feelings Happy Sad Angry Scared Confused High Satisfied Hurt Superior Fearful Bewildered Elated Hopeless Furious Panicky Trapped Overjoyed Sorrowful Seething Afraid Troubled Proud Depressed Enraged Distraught Torn/Split "Together" Rejected Victimized Miserable Disorganized Complete Unwanted Drained Frightened Mixed-up Free/Joy Grief Jealous Threatened Foggy Medium Cheerful Ashamed Remorseful Insecure Disoriented Up Upset Annoyed Uneasy Uncertain Good Distressed Frustrated Very strained Divided Hopeful Down Agitated Shy Don't know where Peaceful Defeated Tense Timid to stand Loving Beaten Strained Unsure Bothered Low Glad Lonely "Fed Up" Nervous Uncomfortable Content Sorry Uptight Strained Undecided Satisfied Lost Dismayed Reluctant Tired Positive Bad Put Out Relief (relieved) Guilty Nervous Warm inside Embarrassed Inconvenienced Feel safe Disappointed Tired of Feel secure Inferior Put upon Accepted Repulsed Repulsed Affectionate Remorse Competitive A sense of belonging Frightened Respected Defensive Aggressive Suspicious http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com Step 3. Accepting our Feelings Have you ever said "I'm not angry, just hurt?" or how about saying "I'm Ok", when you weren't? Do you find yourself saying "Yes" when you mean "No", or "No" when you mean "Yes"? These are about not Accepting your feelings. If we can ACCEPT that we are Angry, and Accept that we are hurt or sad, and Accept that we don't feel safe, or cared for, or ready, then we have sooo many Choices (and choices are good!) It's OK to feel Anger. It's OK to be Sad. It's OK to be disappointed. It's OK to feel unloved. If our body feels it, it feels it. period. (this is a kinda gross analogy, but I say in class that it's like going to be bathroom. When you body needs to go, do you agonize over it, deny it, justify it, try to find the root cause it, stuff it, blame it or otherwise put way more energy on it than necessary? probably not. When we feel we need to Go, we find a safe, clean place where it is ok to "express" those feelings, and we just let them go... that's it. with our emotional feelings, we get all weird about them because we were often taught, as children, that feelings are Bad or not acceptable.) So please, ACCEPT that your body feels what it feels (and yes ladies, even Anger). Accepting your feelings means accepting yourself, who you are, and what's important to you! Step 4. Expression of Feelings Doc says, "Feelings expressed as deeply as they are felt, will REDUCE in intensity and are free to change". Our feelings can get 'stuck' in our body, and must be Expressed fully, in order to be released. Once we know what we feel, it's important to Allow and Express our feelings, so they can be released and replaced. We don’t get in trouble for Feeling angry, we get in trouble when we choose to Express our anger in unproductive, yucky ways. On of our biggest challenges in life will be to find ways to Express our Feelings, as deeply as they are felt. Expressing ourselves does NOT mean that we spew our opinions and judgments all over, nor throw our Anger or Boredom or Irritation around unchecked. It's about "Fully Expressing" ourselves in a way that is cleansing, life-enhancing, love-blossoming, peace-creating Expression. http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com Step 5. Release pains from the past Feel 'em and Let 'em Go! You don't need to hang on to them anymore! Whatever they are Protecting inside of us, we can grow PAST them and find other ways of Protecting ourselves. (yep, that's what they hang around for... to Protect you and to Remind you) MOST people we help in class... I ask, "Are you holding onto it, or is it holding on to you?"... most answer... "I'm holding on to it" Look in your belly, that seems to be where many of our feelings lie. If you have long-term Negative Feelings hanging around inside your body – ask yourself: • What are they for? • What are you to Learn from them? • Why would I Need them? • Why am I hanging on to these? The answers will probably surprise you. Step 6: Replace darkness with light They're dark. They're ugly. and they drag us down... so we become aware of them, feel them, and let them go, right? Ok, cool, but we're not done yet... It's kinda bizarre how it works, but once the negative feelings are released (like via crying, raging, depressing or NLPing), there's a hole that is left. The negative feelings actually take up some kind of space inside our bodies (again, often in our belly, but also in our chest, shoulders, neck, lower back, hands, feet and/or forehead). Maybe it's our spirit that holds them rather than our body... I’m not sure. I think it's our spirit that holds them first (esp. from childhood), but if our spirit doesn't heal them and release them, they start showing up in our bodies... as physical manifestations of emotional pain (not good). Regardless where they reside, once the negatives are released, there will be a SPACE... which you can choose to fill however you wish (Yeehaa!). note: If you do nothing with this Space, the old, familiar, protective feelings will likely return. So it’s important that we fill that space with something new... something better... something cleaner and brighter and life-enhancing. • Fill up with good feelings • Fill up with love from other people • Fill up with love for yourself • Fill up with a color, any color, that makes you feel good • Fill up with love from your Higher Power • Fill up with the good parts of YOU http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com To help our students at our New Directions workshops, I like to make a sort of a gaspump hose with my hand, my arm as the hose and my hand as the nozzle. I put the tips of my fingers on the top center of people's heads (the first Chakra) and FILL them up... glug, glug, glug... POURing love and good feelings into them and all over them. It's fun for me, and it feels wonderful to them. Assignment: Notice inside of you, how your internal space is filled. Do you carry around a lot of Hurt, Anger, Sadness and/or Guilt? If so, notice the SPACE that these feelings take up inside you. How big are they? Where do you carry them? Now, imagine that this space COULD be filled with Love, Joy and Peace... if you are willing to KICK the negative feelings out of you. Rock on Step 7: Rejoice and celebrate life! Rejoice! and celebrate life, love, pain, the whole enchilada! What if emotional pain was not that bigga deal? What if we could face our very worst fears, head on? What if nothing could get us Angry enough to blow up, ever, unless we allow it to? What if we were TOTALLY in control of our Feelings & Emotions? How Wonderful that would be! How Freeing that would be! How Peaceful that woud be! How ALIVE we could feel! There is hope and there is life out there -- or more accurately -- IN THERE. Learn more about how to effectively Take Control of Your Feelings & Emotions and your life will be within your control, forever! --- Wrap-up of The 7 Steps to Feeling and Healing Step-by-step, how to take control of your Feelings and Emotions. As with most things, there are a few Choices when it comes to your Feelings. You can: a) Deny that you have them. (probably the #1 best way to make sure they CONTINUE!) b) Talk about them. This will help immeasurably, as you gain clarity, and focus, and learn how your unexpressed feelings have effected you to date. c) Feel 'em and Release 'em My favorite for Healing… and one we've used, with amazing success, for over 18 years now. soooo, should you choose what's behind door #C, here are the steps to make it easier and faster. Notice. Identify. Accept. Express. Release. Replace. Rejoice !! http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com The 7 Steps to Healing our Feelings • Notice that you DO feel (many deny the whole concept) • Identify 'em. Helps to put a name to them, and to understand yourself to a much greater depth. • Accept 'em. Yes. They are there, and they are wonderful, and they are YOU! • Express 'em. Rock on! Some people say this isn't necessary -- I say "BULL"! We gotta be willing to let 'em rip, if that's what it takes. • Release. Let go. Let God. Relax. Give in. Give up. Allow. Accept. Forgive (but don't forget). Chill. Flow. Breathe. • Replace. We get to choose what we feel, so I choose Love! • Rejoice !! THIS is what life's all about!! Love, Joy, Fun, Intimacy! My best to you. Let me know if you want more help. You don’t have to do it alone! - Matt mailto:Matt@2GetHelp.com How hard are these steps to accomplish? See the Difficulty Rating Chart on the next page which shows, in my experience, how difficult these steps are to accomplish… Additional Resources ------------------------ Get the book that explains it all. "Taking Control of Your Life" by M.K. “Doc” Downing, PhD, LMFT http://www.familycommcenter.org/About_FCC/Other_Services/Bookstore/bookstore.html Read life lessons, research on feelings & emotions, powerful quotes and a bit of lightness & humor. http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com Connect with others as you grow. Get the love, care & encouragement you need in our online emotional support group. http://Groups.msn.com/2GetHelp Ready for the ultimate emotion-changing experience?!? A weekend of powerful work, a lifetime of rewards. http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com Need Lessons from a Life Coach? Get daily tips, instruction and wisdom in your Inbox 100 Emotional Lessons in 100 Days: click to send a blank email: mailto:100Tips@2GetHelp.com NEW! 100 Emotional Quotes in 100 Days. mailto:100Quotes@2GetHelp.com Read more from and about M.K. “Doc” Downing, PhD, LMFT my mentor http://www.FamilyCommCenter.org http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com 7 Steps to Healing your Feelings by mcp Difficulty Rating Chart Difficulty Matt’s Step Description Rating Notes ----- ------------- ----------- --------- 1 Willingness Being willing to learn, and grow, and change 1 Easy. Just a decision even when it's not good news. a new direction. Drop the ego and just be REAL. 2 Awareness What am I feeling? 4 The first few are tough, The next ones come easier. & Identification Is that anger, or just fear? Then they get more subtle, and deeper, as you grow. Separate the emotions, try to do ‘em 1-at-a-time. Sometimes they’re tricky, so we gotta keep learning about them. 3 Allowance Ok, I know I gotta deal with all these feelings. 5 again, just a decision, but a tough one. I'm ready, let's get 'r done. bring it on. we're talking about a total life change here to where F & E's are not only a good thing, they are THE thing! 4 Expression Here goes… let 'er rip. actually push them all out. 7-9 this is the toughest stage, folks. and yep, it feels as bad as you imagined… this is where the rubber hits the road. but once faced, you feel both Pride and Relief. this is where the real Healing is done. Once you've been there, the feelings won't scare you (as much) anymore. You'll KNOW you can handle 'em. Awesomely Powerful feeling when you take control of yourself! 5 Release Let It Go! You've been pissed long enuf! 2-8 some people have a heckuva time here. It's time to release the resentment, the blame, they're pissed and by god, someone's gonna pay the hatred. Hung on to it long enuf… time to move on. or at least someone gonna hear about it. justifiable rage. while others have a looser grip on things and can let go of negative events quicker and less painfully. whichever you are, we have to let go about being 'Right' about the past, let go of our pain and choose to move on. 6 Replacment Actually, this is one of the easiest steps, once you 3 every day, we let go of darkness and fill up with light know how to do it. Once the rage is gone, and the every day, we choose good over evil, love over pain tears have been shed, there becomes a Space inside - every day, we get to choose. Choose wisely. a hole in our soul, that feels Wonderful that it's empty. But it must be filled up… if left empty, it will go back to what it “knows”… pain, anger, resentment, etc. Fill up with BEAUTIFUL colors… deep green, sky blue, sunny yellow, powerful purple, as much as you want! Fill the Void with something positive and life-enhancing. 7 Rejoicing! Surprisingly difficult! 5 we DO get to enjoy our lives. It's tough and uncomfortable to make a big deal about.. You! we DON'T have to do Shoulds, anymore. it's against social norms to be really excited about yourself we can care and we can NOT care. and what you're accomplishing, and how well you're doing, we can Love, give love and feel loved. and how Happy you are. Enjoy yourself. Pamper yourself. we can Dance, and Sing, and Play Push yourself. Get to know yourself. Love yourself! why? 'cause it FEELS Good… no other reason. (who could possibly do a better job than YOU?!?) --- 7 Steps posted to Emotions Annoymous group on yahoo http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/emotions-anonymous/ and to typepad blog http://2gethelp.blogs.com/takingcontrol/2008/07/the-7-steps-to.html Group Information Members: 2339 Category: Support Founded: Jan 31, 1999 Language: English Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec 2008 257 248 197 241 342 424 347 2007 182 181 331 386 299 256 229 180 223 204 231 254 2006 497 323 265 307 332 322 249 301 283 311 217 210 2005 572 528 592 417 246 301 293 349 367 303 288 241 2004 256 253 220 251 350 430 520 555 384 525 338 459 2003 237 321 259 193 377 251 252 339 274 372 287 194 2002 319 179 236 452 298 484 592 460 315 366 382 171 2001 178 203 217 195 263 --- Matt says: I don't mind venting, but not dumping... there's a dif... and I appreciate the differentiation. venting = responsibility, maturity, awareness. dumping = victim, denial, misplacement, transferrance. SueW says: I insist on contracts. Both parties are very clear on what the obligations are. Matt says: yay. I appreciate that about you, and all the work you've done to make them clear, thorough, and binding! a) you and I don't have contracts yet. b) we'll need a release for EEM folks. --- 2GH-MSN: Things that I appreciate about myself today. "My vision of how the world could be, and my willingness to help make it that way." --- 1. You don't even know that you don't know You are UnConsciously Incompetent 2. You find out that you don't know Consciously InCompetent 3. You find out what you don't know and start learning ways to do it different / better Consciously Competent 4. The new behaviour or belief has become a Habit and it becomes THE 'default' choice. UnConsciously Competent --- Awareness "We cannot make decisions on things we are not aware of." - Myron Doc Downing, PhD --- WHAT IS EQ? (by mcp) EQ is a feeling, and EQ is about feeling EQ is a skill, or set of skills, that let us make our lives look, and more importantly, feel, as great as we can make it. EQ is 100% totally, completely FREE! EQ is the universal language among all people. EQ is an attitude mostly... an energy... a knowing that I, and only I, have complete 100% control of my life... what I think, what I feel, what I do, and what I don't do... it's all up to me... and that makes me FREE! EQ is about emotional responsibility, which leads to personal responsibility, and social responsibility, and someday social reform/world peace! EQ gives the freedom to choose… EQ is a knowing, about how we work EQ is about knowing ourselves so well, that we can act, and/or react, at will EQ is a decision, not to be a victim, ever. EQ is about power and control, but in a good way, the very best way. EQ is a language, offering the tools to communicate who we are and what we need in a way that gets closeness, and results EQ is a completely FREE, God-given, all natural, completely organic, unlimited, super-healthy part of our lives, that we DON'T learn about in schools, or at home. EQ gives us back our right-brain, that we shut down and lost as a kid. EQ feels good. EQ is effective. EQ is fun. EQRocks! Awareness, Acceptance, Action Awareness Awareness HAS to be the first key! "We cannot make decisions on things we are not aware of." - Myron Doc Downing, PhD We have become Aware that there's a whole part of ourselves that we don't even know! We have found out that we do, in fact, have a right-brain, and that activating our emotions, helps us understand, manage and enjoy ourselves so much better. We have discovered a whole new way of being, feeling, acting and talking that works wonders for our own sanity, our daily lives, our communications with others, and the overall effectiveness of our lives. Acceptance. "Ok. It is how it is, exactly as it is." - Dr. Wayne Dyer We don't really know our right-brain that well. We have been given negative role models our whole lives. We are pretty clueless in the EQ department, as no one knew before us, how our thoughts, feelings and empathy work inside of us. Ok. Got it. Action. So, now that we have know, we gotta Act! Those who know are responsible to share this info with those who do not. MOST people don't know EQ (IMHO), and when taught the basic concepts, they go "Ohhhh. I see.", and boom, everything changes, from then on. Here's the Action I'm moving toward taking: - Awareness Spread EQ to the masses, in any/every form we can! in schools, at work, in sports, in entertainment, (someday) in government - Education I want us to build and EQ-U ---